Illustration of woman and man sharing a cuppa and a hug

I am free of my ex and in a happy and healthy human relationship (Analogy: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

We had just returned from holiday in Turkey when I decided to leave my abusive partner. I knew I would be plenty for my children. Nosotros didn't need their male parent to exist happy.

We didn't need his money, his firm, his flashy car or holidays. Nosotros didn't need him. He told me I couldn't survive, that I would come running back when things got tough.

'No other man would want you, no-one would want a adult female with baggage', he said.

I'm happy to say that two years on, I am free of him and in a loving and healthy relationship – simply at the time I didn't disagree. I felt low, useless. I knew it would be tough.

Every time my ex hurt me he had a way of twisting it around and making me feel like it was my fault.  And so I'd endeavour to change. I stopped wearing the wearing apparel I wanted, stopped seeing my friends and stopped doing things I enjoyed. I even stopped watching my favourite programmes.

In Turkey I realised that no matter what I changed I could never delight this man. He would never beloved me – he loved himself too much.

One night I tried to concur his hand whilst walking down some steep steps, not only for stability, but too because I wanted to attempt and accept a connection with him. He pulled away and said, 'We don't concur easily, that's what people in beloved practise'.

He constantly kicked me down to a level where I had no respect for myself.

He didn't even let me have any spending coin. I borrowed £xxx from my younger brother to spend on the holiday and he took that from me at the airport. When I asked for it back he laughed and mocked me for the small amount of money I was able to 'contribute' to the £3000 holiday he'd booked.

My eldest asked why at that place were no daddies in the refuge. I told him this is a special place for mummies and children to have a holiday without the dads

I had stayed with him because I thought the children needed their dad and that he loved them. I couldn't exist the person to come between that. But on holiday he treated me as free childcare, to spotter the kids when he'd had enough of them.

At that moment I knew I could look later on the children past myself and that I didn't need him.

My children deserved a mother who was able to give herself fully. They needed me to be there in the moment with them – non the broken-hearted, tearful, fearful and sorry adult female I had become. What I had allowed him to brand me.

I lost money, I lost a house, I lost a car, I lost friends, I lost extended family unit, I lost routines. I lost all I had known for the last six years and traded it for a single room in a women's refuge far from anywhere we knew, sharing a bathroom with iii other families, universal credit and fright of the unknown.

I had no thought or any programme moving forward but I was determined to give my children a meliorate life. All those things I lost just I felt free, I had a taste of happiness in that small-scale room. It was our oasis and safe place.

We began to form new relationships with the people effectually usa, other women and children in the refuge run by the charity Hestia. My children idea they were on an extended function of the holiday, without their dad.

My eldest asked why in that location were no daddies in the refuge. I told him it was a special place for mummies and children to have a holiday without the dads. He surprised me: 'Did all the daddies hit the other mummies? I know that's why we are here, considering Daddy hit Mummy'.

I knew at this point I had made the best decision of my life. No hardship could ever make me become back to him.

Things started to wait better and brighter every day. Through the back up of the charity we were rehoused after a year of contesting with the quango.

It was a joyous yet scary moment when nosotros walked in our new two bedroom flat. It felt Large. At present we were all lonely. The boys followed me around from room to room and wouldn't play in their own sleeping accommodation without me close.

youngest fell for Max instantly and wanted to exist in his artillery all the time, which still hasn't changed

Although I finally got them to relish sleeping in their 'grown up boys' bedroom, I yet snuck in with them at night. I couldn't slumber without hearing their chests rise and autumn.

While I was at the refuge I had noticed that some of the women were gear up to move on and observe a new partner using dating apps. I admired their conviction and wished someday I could be loved. I was told by my ex that I was nothing for a very long fourth dimension and I truly believed it.

I didn't call up in that location would be anyone that would want to exist with me. I knew I wasn't gear up; how could anyone love me when I didn't fifty-fifty dear myself?

That changed when we had been living in our flat for about 3 months. I'd fallen into a routine of school runs, going to the gym and was slowly starting to gain conviction in myself. I began to love myself again and was proud of what I had achieved.

I deserved to exist loved and felt ready to let someone into my life. So, I joined Bumble, which I chose because it allows women to make the first contact.

Max* and I soon started messaging each other. I was open and honest about my children and my by relationship. I decided to tell him early on about what we had been through because I didn't desire to experience aback of my past.

I could tell straight away that Max was different. The gentle way he spoke and the language he used made me experience warm towards him.

My ex had used vulgar and aggressive words all the time, which put me on edge. Max was like a breath of fresh air.

He didn't desire to alter me and found what I said interesting. Nosotros don't agree on everything – like chocolate orange and sci-fi films – but we compromise.

Afterwards a few meetings I decided to introduce Max to my children. The get-go time they met he went down to their level and handed them a chocolate lolly each.

He teaches the children to beloved and respect me. He asks the boys: 'Take you told mummy that she is beautiful today?'

My youngest fell for him instantly and wanted to be in his arms all the time, which still hasn't changed (they are inseparable!). My eldest was a piddling wary; I could tell he wanted to like Max simply something was holding him back.

I worried that he didn't know how to trust and honey someone again simply Max proved to him that he will never let u.s. down.

He's always at that place helping me with the children, picking them up from school when I work late, feeding them and putting them to slumber.

We both strive to brand the atmosphere and our lilliputian bubble a happy one.

I didn't call back I could exist intimate with anyone again every bit my ex said some horrible things about my body afterward having two children, which made me feel then cocky conscious.

I still struggle with letting Max see me undressed as I have these vile comments circling in my head and I never desire him to think the things my ex said. I have a way to go before I am comfortable with my torso just Max compliments me, even on my worst days.

In that location is a pocket-size story, which summarises simply how unlike he is from my ex.

Max and I and the boys were flight off to Hellenic republic concluding twelvemonth. Nosotros went to change some spending money – around £500. When nosotros came out of the store Max handed me the envelope and said 'Y'all're in charge of all spending this holiday'.

He makes me experience trusted and respected in our partnership. He calls me his queen and I believe him.

It'due south been nearly ii years and Max has been in that location for all our family events no matter how big or small, from school assemblies, football matches, park trips to farm outings.

My children take felt his loving presence and seen how he treats me.

He teaches them to dearest and respect me. He asks the boys: 'Have you told mummy that she is beautiful today?'.

I know it's cheesy simply these pocket-sized things mean so much to keeping us together, giggling and enjoying life.

We are looking forward to moving in together and I'm excited. Sometimes I all the same call back about how my ex would tell me that no one would ever want me and I can't believe how much has changed. I experience loved, supported and listened to.

*Name has been changed

For 50 years, Hestia has provided support and hope every stride of the way to recovery. We campaign and advocate nationally on the bug that bear upon the people nosotros work with. Find out nearly our support at world wide web.hestia.org/domestic-corruption.

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